Why Shouldn’t You Label Your Kids?

Many parents don’t realize it, but they are in the habit of labeling their children, however there are different types of labels. A father or a mother never wishes harm to their children, but if they label them, they will be doing enormous harm to their self-esteem and development. But people are used to labeling others: “nervous”, “loser”, “restless”, “naughty”, “bad”, “anxious”, “sad”… there are many labels that unfortunately adults tell children all the days.

negative labels

Negative labels are those that affirm a negative part of the child’s behavior or that indicate a disorder and label themselves as something that is wrong with the child. Children who receive negative labels come to believe that they are like that and begin to behave in accordance with what others say they are. 

If you label a child as “boring” or “bad” he will probably end up believing that this is really true, because he thinks that what the adult says is always true. So it feeds back on this behavior and the child ends up being “bad ” or “boring” because that’s how they think they should behave.

positive labels

Positive labels are labels that tend to emphasize the positive parts of the child. There are parents who, out of fear that their child may feel bad about themselves, label them positively so that they can increase their self-esteem a little. But labeling positively can be harmful, especially when labels are exaggerated or unrealistic. 

For example, if a parent tells their child “you are very smart” two things are likely to happen: the child is suspicious of his parent because he knows what he is saying is not true and he feels even worse about himself or, on the contrary, really believe that you are intelligent and be frustrated when you realize that you really aren’t.

special labels

In our society there are also other types of labels that are necessary to be able to diagnose children with different disorders, such as: ADHD, Attention Deficit with or with Hyperactivity, Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, etc…

These labels confirm to parents that something is not right and they may feel relieved to find an answer. This type of label is necessary to be able to access resources to enhance children’s good development. But in no case should it be an excuse to highlight the negative aspects of children and it has nothing to do with inconveniences, but with the possibilities for improvement.

The use of special labels

Be very careful with special labels because children may feel that they are doomed to live with these labels for the rest of their lives. If a child is labeled “impulsive” or “attention deficit” you are setting a condition for something that can be worked on and it is possible to get good results that reinforce the positive ways.

If labels are not used correctly, they can limit the child instead of giving him the opportunity to improve according to his abilities, needs and personal interests. All labels are behaviors and you can always choose which behavior you want to have.

Why not label?

Parents must find the right way to talk to children and not mislabel them. For example, instead of telling a child: “How bad are you for hitting your brother” , the best would be to teach him so that he learns what is expected of him, so that he can redirect his behavior: “Stop hit your brother because you are hurting him”. 

Also, parents need to be persistent so that children know that they see the good in them, the best in them every day, and that the bad is just something they can work on to improve. You have to be positive and look for the bright side of things. For example, if a child was afraid of a nightmare, instead of calling him “fearful”, it is necessary to understand his emotions and make him see that the evil has passed and that he is very brave to face his fears and try sleep again.

Children need to hear good things about them every day (positive labels that are consistent with their abilities and personality) because that’s how they can really build their personality, if they label them with negative labels…they will believe it too.