Why Should You Never Speak Ill Of Children’s Fathers In Front Of Them my
Divorce is not the only situation in which one parent can speak ill of the other. It is also possible that this happens when one of the parents has never been present in the child’s life or even when the couple is still together. In any case, speaking ill of the children’s father in front of them can cause irreparable damage. Therefore, you should avoid doing this at all costs.
When we feel that the person who was our partner has hurt and betrayed us, it is normal for an uncontrollable urge to express our anger to arise. However, our grudge should never be directed at children. Our primary objective must always be to protect them and ensure they have the healthiest ambientepossible environment.
To love and to be loved
For a child, his nuclear family is his center, his entire world. Mom and Dad are your main references, your safety net. Through the love and trust they provide, a child’s personality is formed, and he begins to open up to the world.
The child needs to love without guilt and be loved unconditionally by the parents to achieve adequate emotional development. The family, in turn, is their safe and happy place, one that gives them confidence to have the courage to explore other territories.
In other words, a stable and comfortable place to recharge your energies, with firm roots that allow you to grow without fear. The importance of the nuclear family is such that we need to do everything in our power to make it harmonious and healthy.
Let your children love their father, even if you don’t do that anymore
However, circumstances are not always perfect. Perhaps our child’s father has never tried to be present in your life. Maybe we made the decision to get divorced. Or perhaps, even though we are still together, there are conflicts and arguments that hurt the couple.
All these circumstances are part of life and, as adults, we have to face them as best we can. But if there’s one thing we should be clear about, it’s that it should never affect our children’s well-being, at least as long as we can prevent it from happening.
It is obvious that this will have an impact on the child’s life. But this impact will be very different depending on how adults act in the lives of little ones.
Perhaps your child’s father (or mother) has not behaved well, perhaps has hurt you, betrayed you or cheated on you. Perhaps you have even made big mistakes or neglects as a father (or mother). It is completely normal and valid for this to generate negative emotions, for you to feel anger, anger or resentment.
You will need to go through your own emotional process to integrate these experiences and be able to forgive. But, without a doubt, your main priority should be to protect your child.
And that includes protecting his view of his father and his bond with him. The child needs to love the father and feel loved by him. As much as it needs you.
Speak ill of the children’s father in front of them
When you speak ill of the children’s father in front of them, you are stealing a fundamental part of their development.
When you say that their father left because he doesn’t care about them, because he doesn’t want to spend time with them, because he doesn’t care about them, the kids don’t understand that the father is a neglectful individual. On the contrary, they think they are guilty. They will begin to feel that they are not good enough, that they are worthless, that they are not worthy of love.
When you say “you are like your father” or “ your father is no good, he is irresponsible, selfish”, you are putting children in a very difficult position. They will be forced to take sides, they will feel guilty for loving their father, and they will clearly show the disruption you have created in their little world: there will be no more stability or harmony, but hatred and confusion.
Maybe you think your kids need to know what their father is like, that you shouldn’t lie to them, that they have a right to know the truth. But, in fact, they have the right to be children, to feel loved and safe, to not have to face adult situations.
When they grow up, their children will know, understand and reorganize what they experienced from another perspective. For now, just let them grow.
