The Teenager Seeks Your Affection, Not Your Reason
Adolescence is characterized by being a phase dominated by feelings. So why do we try to solve problems with teenagers through reason? The teenager seeks your affection, not your reason.
During this period, parents must change. In childhood, they ruled and dominated, but now the teenager needs to be directed, as if it were a play.
We must be aware of everything, but it is he who will have his own functioning and responsibility. Feelings are powerful weapons for us to get along with them. Why not try?
Why do teenagers seek your affection and not reason?
If we try to use reason and impose our criteria on our teenager, without taking feelings into account, he will withdraw and it will be impossible for us to communicate with him. So what should we do to promote affection?
guide the teenager
We need to make him understand that we respect his life, but that it is necessary to work together so that it is not wasted. Adolescents seek, above all, their affection. As parents, we must show this affection and use it to be able to talk and discuss about everything. Without this affective base, we will be lost.
Dialogue as a basis for proximity and trust
Teenagers and parents don’t need to think alike. There are two different generations, so there are different ways of looking at the world, love, money, etc. For this reason, it is necessary to talk about them, but without breaking emotional bonds. Teenagers seek your affection. They are insecure, and that security cannot be touched with reason.
Why do teenagers sometimes respond aggressively?
When a teenager responds aggressively to mom or dad, there’s a reason for that. The “better” the relationship with the parents during childhood, the greater will be this aggressiveness. A child is aggressive because he has difficulty separating from you, and if you don’t make the effort, he will always be a child.
For a teenager, it is very difficult to embark on the world of adults, which he used to see without interest. He needs to decide for himself, without having his parents always telling him what to do.
How can we resolve this aggressiveness?
When we understand the meaning of this aggressiveness and its motivations, this violence decreases. If your child says “I hate you” and you know why he’s saying it, even if you’re not happy, you’ll understand and you won’t make a drama. If you don’t give it so much importance, it will be easier to deal with this issue.
Adolescents seek your affection: what should you never do?
Saying “If you don’t want to do what I’m saying, the front door is the use of the house”
We must explain that what he is doing is wrong and that we do not approve or accept, but that we will be there for him for whatever he needs, because we love him. This will give him the security he needs, which is what a teenager wants.
Trying to be a perfect mom or dad
If we try to be perfect, our child will feel estranged from us. On the contrary, if you are imperfect, you can talk to him. Think that he feels insecure in front of others, so the image of a perfect and strong mother or father will intimidate him and you won’t be able to talk to him.
In this sense, you must show your vulnerability and teach that you also have defects and make mistakes so that, in this way, he feels closer to you.
Pay more attention to television than to the teenager who is looking for your affection
Sometimes we’re so focused on our favorite show or series that we don’t talk to our kids. Sometimes, even though they speak to us, we ask them to be silent because we are seeing something else. Afterwards, we were surprised and reprimanded them when we discovered the problem they tried to explain to us at that time.
If you don’t talk and don’t understand your teenager’s changes, you’re unlikely to find out what’s going on with him. It’s true that parents come home tired from work and don’t feel like facing their teenagers. And when we do that, it’s to discuss and impose our reasons. But the teenager seeks your affection, not your reason. You need to speak through feelings, affection and affection.
Don’t doubt for a second that he needs your time and your patience. We are parents and no one said this would be easy. But we have to be on the side of our teenagers if we want them to have no problems during this phase.
