Teach Your Child Not To Hold Grudges

How can someone who is full of rancor be happy? Is revenge as sweet as everyone says? A person who lets himself be dominated by rancor is like a fish that bites a hook: now someone else controls him. Don’t be spiteful. But how to get it? Teach your child not to hold a grudge. Like? Here we help you.

If asked for your opinion would you say that fire is good or bad? You might answer, “It depends.” You would probably say that on a cold winter night in front of a fireplace, the fire is good. But that same fire, if left unchecked, could spread quickly and burn the entire house down. There’s no doubt that by now you wouldn’t think the same.

Something similar happens with emotions. When you express them in a controlled way, they are beneficial and can help, among other things, to bond with other people. But if you don’t control them, they can have a disastrous effect on you and those around you. How can you teach your child not to hold a grudge?

What is resentment or resentment?

It is a complaint or irritation that arises from an offensive action and can last for a long time, reappearing when the offense is remembered. This feeling of unease can make relationships with the offender difficult and impossible. The person who becomes resentful or harbors grudges even accumulate feelings of revenge or really want to pay back. Therefore, we feel indignation when we are offended or irritated in any way.

By nature, our sense of good and evil makes us want a rectification in the face of any injustice. So it’s hard for adults not to hold a grudge. But for children this feeling can be much more harmful since they are building their character, their personality and also starting to create bonds of friendship that, by an offense, can end up easily broken.

Holding a grudge in your heart is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

Is revenge really sweet?

Of course, there are many situations in which children feel like getting revenge. As when they receive an insult, a slap, a shove or when they are victims of physical abuse, theft or any other type of injury at school.

How do they react when they suffer such injustices? Of course, we don’t want any of these situations to happen to our children, but encouraging them by saying phrases like “you can’t leave it like this” or “here it’s done here if it pays” is not positive.

This way of thinking only causes more pain because revenge often triggers an endless escalating spiral of violence. As some people say, “revenge brings more revenge”. How true these words are! Putting all our energies into nurturing bitterness hurts us enormously.

“A person who thinks revenge is sweet should look at the face of one who has been consumed by rancor for years. His own anger consumes him. It wastes time and energy as you go on mulling over your own past experiences, throwing curses at those who hurt you and planning how to get back.” -Book Knowing how to forgive and live without grudges-

How to react to an offense

• The child has the right to defend himself, but he must avoid fights. It is preferable to guide her to talk to her father, mother or a teacher.
• Sometimes unfair things happen. Instead of whining and getting frustrated, try to forget.

• If the disagreement is between siblings, friends, or schoolmates, remind your child that sometimes he also offends someone or does things others don’t like. If he wants people to apologize to him, he must know how to apologize too.
• Help your child not to take everything personally. What appears to be a deliberate offense may be the result of a misunderstanding. Teach him to be open-minded when he is the victim of rudeness or miscreations.
• Teaching your child that forgiving is a show of love and good character, and it can make him happier.
• Show by your example that you don’t hold grudges and that you know how to forgive.

Often, when there is any disagreement between two people, they are both convinced that they are right and that the other person is to blame. As a result, two friends end up at war, so to speak.

They fight with silent weapons: one turns their backs when the other passes by and, if they are in a group, they do not speak. From a distance, they look at each other sideways or coldly and with rancor. When speaking, they converse abruptly or insult each other with words that hurt like stab wounds.

“I don’t want to talk to this person nor do I want to see him again.” If you’ve ever said these words about someone, you should take immediate steps to repair the damage you’ve done and thereby set a good example for your child. Remember that bitterness will only cause you to lose friendships, cause stress, emotional distress, and even heart disease.